so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
you never un-have a 4some
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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