i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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