I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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