I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
