So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
