I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
