So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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