Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
