I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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