Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
