I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
