just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
