She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
im about as happy as oj after his trial
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
