let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
