ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
