On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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