I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
