Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
