We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
