If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm passing your future prison.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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