Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
