Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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