Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
