I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
