I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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