I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
