what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
These tits shall not be calmed
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
