Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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