Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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