Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
