literally had 100 drinks last night.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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