I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Couch. On fire.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
