No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
