Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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