what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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