i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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