it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
