This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
