i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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