We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
