I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Blood and glitter go together right?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
