I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
