Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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