Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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