By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
