She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
