turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
