we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize