hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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