I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You're a waste of cheezeits
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
