: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
