If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
