Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
