Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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