Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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