He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
