If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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