Duck Duck Cougar?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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