he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
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