1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Randomize
