hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
