WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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