you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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