your room smells of hookers.
And success
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
