I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
