the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
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