just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
