her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
