Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
