My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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