You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Even my vagina gasped.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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