His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
