yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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