I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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