Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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