just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
