Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
