Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
