i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
