let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
