so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
