cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
