Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
